


All I've Ever Known

by SUCKERforDAYNE



Category: The Devil's Disciple
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, Thank you Bernard Shaw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:42:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25034134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SUCKERforDAYNE/pseuds/SUCKERforDAYNE
Summary: For the first time in the month Richard felt the sense of hunger coming back.
Relationships: Anthony Anderson/Richard Dudgeon





	All I've Ever Known

**Author's Note:**

> Richard kept away from his family to live his own life, but he fell ill and got the sympton of anorexia. I don't really know about this disease, but go on with this story only to express how much I love the play written by Bernard Shaw. If you find something wrong in my work, please let me know. Since English is not my first language, I may make more mistakes. Please point them out for me if you come across some strange phrases and sentences.  
> This work is an English translation of "你爱吃的东西", the original work in Chinese of mine.

When receiving a call from Richard, Essie was on the way home in a taxi. Richard asked her when she would come back. Having guessed that Richard might need her, she asked the driver to drive faster and grasped the bag of dessert she had just bought more tightly.

When she arrived at the door, she searched the mailbox. In addition to the usual bills, there was a letter from her uncle's family. There was a remittance slip inside. Essie planned to check it later, and took out the letter to scan it. They sympathized with Richard’s illness and finally invited Richard to go to their home to recuperate in the fall. Essie didn’t know how long they would like Richard to stay. Her summer vacation was coming to an end, and she would return to school soon and couldn’t stay here with her cousin. She felt a little nervous, and put the letter in her bag, rushed into the house and went upstairs.

Just in front of the door of their room, she saw Richard sitting in his wheelchair, who was blocked by the huge dog lying in front of the neighbors’ door so had to stay in the aisle. She took a glance at Richard’s pajamas, and heard him explained that he had just wanted to breathe in some fresh air in the hallway, but was kept out by the dog. Essie apologized unconsciously, saying that she should come back early, but she knew that Richard would be sad to see her like this, so she criticized him instead, saying that he should stay at home for a better recovery. “I am happy to know the dog helped”, she added. Richard smiled and said that the dog shared the same temper with her, and was obediently brought back to their room finally. Essie found the clothes for him. Richard turned his back on her to put it on. Essie added some money in her wallet and decided that they would go out and have a walk first. They could put their dinner to later that night.

Richard didn't ask for food most of the time, and didn't have much appetite. To some point, his strange illness is not strange at all.

He looked weak and his face pale, and the doctor told Essie that it was normal since he slowly recovered after the treatment, and added that a wheelchair was necessary. The young guy had to turn those wheels and slide around every day. Most of the time, Essie took him on street. Richard can move around or take care of himself actually, but he knows that it is better to listen to the doctor's advice, not to mention that the wheelchair does bring him benefits and saves him a lot of energy. For Richard, who has always distrusted doctors, it is very rare to follow their advice.

Richard had only an egg tart and put them aside. Essie thought for a moment, and finally took out the dark red sweater she had previously selected for Richard. Now that Richard has worn it halfway, she walked over to help him. His hair little messy, and he was beautiful in dark red, Essie thought, but only smiled in silence.

She remembered that Richard had left his family very early and later came back for his father’s death, and her own father passed away in the same year just one month earlier. But the only difference is that Richard's father left him a legacy while her father died as poorly and faraway as he could. Richard seemed to have no attachment to this family, and soon left again, this time he took Essie with him. Since early childhood she had wondered where her mother was, but she loved the time she lived at Richard’s house, when Richard could make her laugh. When Richard grabbed her by the shoulder and told the family that he was going to take Essie, he didn't even bother to ask Essie's opinion. Essie didn't even think about refusing. She had rejected many proposals she did not like, at school, in the newspaper office and the restaurant she worked. However, in the face of Richard, she could hardly remember she had rejected him once at all.

She walked Richard to the street. Richard looked tired and leaned on the back of the chair, letting Essie take the direction. His hair trembling in the evening breeze, a long strand hung down and almost covering his ear.

"My disease can't be cured." Richard once said this to her, and she didn't retort it. She never denied any words that Richard said, and Richard's recent desire to talk basically lay in commenting the political situation in the newspaper, never about himself.

Essie saw the convenience store and suddenly remembered the items she wanted to buy. Richard sensed her eyes and said to her, "Leave me outside, and I'll wait for you."

Essie thought about it and did so, and found an safe corner at the door to stop the wheelchair, still turning towards him before quickly stepping into the store.

People in this block might remember him. He came back from time to time and came in and out with Essie, and this time he was in a wheelchair. He often asked Essie to take him out for a walk, but he knew he didn’t like to be watched really. Although they may not know him, they will have all kinds of guesses. He also feels all right to chat with people, to talk about his past life, to express a little opinion on current affairs, and even to talk about his own family. But he knew he didn't like it, and even hated it. When he was doing rehabilitation exercise like a fool, or taking medicine with a glass of water, he would always see the man glancing at him from the opposite window. Even when he was walking with Essie, he was suspicious of someone watching them. He knew it was stupid to think in that way.Now he lowered his head slightly, trying to blend himself and his wheelchair into the wall behind him.

"I'm here." Essie walked towards him. At this time there was only the afterglow of the sun. The street lights took over the night. Essie wore a dark coat and looked more petite when she appeared from the door of the convenience store. Richard wanted to drop the wheelchair and stand up to meet her, for he should be the one to protect the other. Essie walked over unhurriedly, putting the shopping bag in the basket below the chair, and pinned his hair behind his ear, as if she knew what he was thinking. "You look like a great guard, Richard." He let out a heartly laugh, when Essie went behind him and moved him on.

He thought that his illness might not be cured of. He doesn’t believe the doctor, because the doctor didn't understand his illness. He had been a healthy man, and smart enough to be called as cunning. He did well at school, and has also done small business and gambling, making a quick buck in a pinch. But he also knows that he is a weirdo and a troublesome person. He might have get on better with his mom and stayed with her for longer time if he had been her good son. During his illness this time, he felt as if the better and honest part of him suddenly became sick with his damned part, so just like his leaving his mother, it abandoned him and went away. So he lost something of a balance and fell ill. But doctors would not take it true.

They continued to walk, Essie thinking about herself. She didn't notice when her cousin touched her sleeve, and stayed silent until he finally touched the back of her hand for the third time. "Ah, Richard?" She hurriedly leaned over.

Richard sounded a little embarrassed: "I want some noodles."

Essie didn't know if she heard it correctly. If she heard it right, it would be Richard's first proposal to eat something this month.

Richard seemed to know what she thought. Still embarrassedly, he turned around and pointed to a restaurant behind him and said, "I want to go there."

Essie was overjoyed and immediately pushed him towards the noodle restaurant. However, she was a bit troubled because the doorway was smaller for the wheelchair to run on, and she saw the aisle in the shop also quite narrow. She was almost scared, but stepped forward to push the door, not expecting to press something she didn’t notice, and the doorbell rang.

A woman in a white apron appeared at the door and opened it for them. She seems a few years older than Essie. For a moment, Essie avoided her eyes—she was beautiful and graceful in every sense—Richard greeted her in a gentleman’s way, and Essie quickly took over the door handle before Richard reached for it.

The woman smiled, opened the door completely, looked up and down at them and the wheelchair, seemed to be considering a solution. Finally she turned around and searched for someone. A man appeared beside her right before she spoke.

Richard's eyes lit up. He is big and tall, also wearing an apron, which oddly makes him more handsome.

"Judy," He nodded at the woman, and the woman backed away. The man looked at Richard and Essie and showed a lovely smile, which was unexpectedly childlike. Essie guessed that they two are lovers or married couples. "Do you mind my help?" the man asked, sounding very reliable, and Essie nodded immediately. The man looked at Richard again and came over, bending down as if to give Richard a hug. Before Richard could say anything, he lifted Richard in his arms and took him into the door.

Essie was dumbfounded, but she managed to find her path into the restaurant following the man, carrying the collapsable wheelchair. All customers were looking at them with curiosity.

Even after being placed in his seat, it took a long time for Richard to come back to himself. For the first time, Essie saw a blank and shocked expression on her cousin's face. When she looked away, the man had already left, as if he had simply helped them with a piece of luggage. His beautiful partner was still standing by the table. Essie put the wheelchair against the wall and thanked her: "It’s so sweet of you two to offer us help."

The woman smiled. "You're welcome. My name is Judy and that guy is Anthony. You can ring the bell whenever you need me."

Essie looked around, and found the restaurant so neat, and some of the layout even showed a taste of elegance, showing the tender care and the inner happiness of the owner everywhere. She sighed unconsciously and looked at Richard again. Richard remained motionless, looking at her in a dream-like way.

Essie was amused and stared at him with her love-filled eyes, handing the menu over, "You said you were hungry and wanted to dinne here. I mean, they are so kind and sweet, aren’t they? Such shyness is unbecoming on you."

"I was just..." Richard's voice was too small to hear. He failed to find himself an excuse, and ended up staring at the menu.

Upon waiting, the woman dinning at the next table suddenly turned over to greet them.

"Hello." She smiled at Richard.

"Hello." responded Richard. Essie was used to seeing Richard flirting with girls. But she was surprised to find that Richard could not make a casual face as usual, maybe still making it to some points, but with his slight blush, that was more of a shy and cautious look.

The woman looked at Essie, still smiling and asked Richard, "How do you call this little lady?"

"She is my sister." Richard replied.

"Then please leave your number." The woman said immediately, "My name is Jesse, and I live just around."

Essie chuckled, and Richard happily wrote down the number for her, then turned around to Essie.

"You are obviously getting used to people's enthusiasm," she said.

"Please," Richard smiled this time, "Please don't make fun of me."

From Essie's position, she could see Anthony busy in the open kitchen, while Richard facing an opposite direction. Essie carefully observed Anthony. He is strong and good-looking, despite his age, dong his part in an elegant and languid way, putting everything perfectly in order. His partner was full of energy, with her plait rocked back and forth with every move.

Essie has been studying in the local college for so long, but with her absence from home all year around, there were still so many unfamiliar places for her like this small restaurant. She didn’t know if Richard had been here before, but one thing was certain. The place attracted Richard so much that it drived away the shadow in his mind and made him look outside. 

In fact, the brain of Richard was full of Anthony's smile, his voice and even the feeling of his arms. Fortunately, the bowl of noodles placing on the table awakened his stomach that had been left aside for a whole day (he did have something to eat during the whole day, but he didn't want to), he buried his face in the plate and chewed each mouthful quickly. Then he found Essie staring at him in a daze.

"Essie? " asked Richard. His cousin smiled, and began with her food. He suddenly felt guilty—every time Essie cooked for him, his appetite was not as good as this time, and he had never thought about Essie's feelings. He slowed down in between the bites and tried to say something, but couldn’t find any words. They both kept silence for a while, only hearing the sound of each other’s chewing. But the food is so delicious. Richard thought that the smell of the food coincided with a certain part of his memories, but that part was too thin a shadow too find. However, he could feel them coming back and staying by his side, with his stomach gradually warming up.

Essie finished it in almost five minutes. "I'm going to pay, and then return to the store for something. You know, I am always forgetting to bring the shopping list with me." She smiled, "Just wait me for a while."

Seeing Essie’s leaving, Richard felt suspicious. His heart skipped a beat at the next scene in front of him. The shop owner, whose name was Anthony, sat in the adjacent seat Essie had just left with a grin.

There was still noodles hanging down from Richard's lips, and he tried to suck them in quickly.

He finished one bite (the man looked at him with a brother-like look and it almost made him choke), cleared his throat, "I owe you a thanks,", and soon found his voice hoarse. "Anthony." He added.

"Do you like it?" he asked him. Richard knew he was talking about food, but it seemed to take too much for him to say a word now.

"I like it," he finally answered. He took another bite and said, "It’s been long since I went into a restaurant last time."

Anthony nodded slightly. He just looked at Richard and listened to what he said composedly and carefully.

"I haven't had such hungry feeling for long." Richard looked down at his plate and said.

"Really?" Anthony seemed interested. "I'm glad you said that."

"By the way, my name is Richard." He forked a piece of noodles which was too short to be picked up, added casually.

"Richard." Anthony repeated. For the first time Richard found that his name could be pronounced so nicely and briskly.

"Yes," he smiled, "The noodles made me think about the time I was a kid."

"You look very young, Richard." Anthony also smiled, and the fine eyelashes of him almost closed together, the shadows of which appeared on his eyelids, all of which showed an unreal charm on the beautiful, tough face.

"You're not too old." Richard said, and just in time to feel a rush of sense of embarrassment.

Anthony laughed. His laughter was cheerful and rumbled from his chest, "I am very glad, but the food we made for you has nothing special, compared to those of others’."

"Maybe." Richard said in the other person's smile. "I just walked by your door and smelled something good."

But Richard not only smelled it, but he also saw Anthony inside. He now knows his name, enjoys the food he made, and even has been hugged by him. He also saw Judy, who was also walking around in it, busy and happy, calling her partner’s name. Richard suddenly realized that he was a guest, and Essie was still waiting for him outside—she made him a chance to talk with Anthony, and was waiting for him, in spite of whether she actually went shopping or not.

He immediately felt a sense of loss, but he transformed this feeling into gratitude and respect. "You are a good host, and have good craftsmanship, but this may not always meet the appetite of every customer." He looked around and said, "I guess you owned here for no less than a year or two, but these days People’s preferences change quickly, and your menu remains somewhat old-styled..."

"You're right." Anthony meet his gaze and tapped the table lightly. "I have been worked here for five years, and Judy just joined in half a year ago. This place is really small. The food haven’t been changed since the shop opened. I guess few people came up with such smart suggestions for the first time they went in."

"Actually, this isn't necessarily my first time." Richard tried to dismiss the subject, "Maybe not, I'm not sure."

Anthony smiled and lowered his eyes, his hand reaching over the table and naturally resting on Richard’s shoulder. "That would be better." He lifted his eyes again slowly, meeting Richard’s.

Richard paused. "When I was young, the food we had at our house—you know, I was never left without enough food, though I was one of the most naughty kids—even so I still got hungry sometimes, especially in the middle of the night, wanted some food badly enough to run away from home...when those leftovers could never feed a child's stomach..he will even plan to rob."

"Really." Anthony said. "When I was a kid, I often couldn't eat enough until I went to school."

"which school?"

"Athlete's."

Richard smlied. "No wonder." Anthony smiled too.

"I could never eat enough. I left my family driven by the hunger," Richard stared down at his empty plate. "Sometimes I wonder if that hunger is only my illusion, only something in my mind. I keep finding something which I could feed on, and made me satisfied. Every time I think I find something delicious, I loss interest as soon as I take one bite. "

"You are true." said Anthony, "I guess that you need to eat a little more, and you need to gain weight," he meet Richard's eyes, and raised his hands to explain, "I'm not an expect at nutrition, but I think you will be healthier if you are heavier and stronger."

"Do you?" Richard blinked and asked. "But my ill health meets me at the first place, then comes weight loss and something worse. I can well remember that almost the same time I felt desperately hungry, I got symptoms of anorexia."

"Every time I would refused the food on the excuse of hating it. This has been going on for a while, and these days I feel better. My doctor tried to find it a reason, from the point of psychology, genealogy and even the virus. But no explanations seemed to be good enough. Maybe only god knows." Richard said slowly, "You know, my sister (actually a cousin) has been taking care of me. She worries a lot. She made all kinds of food for me. But I have been disappointing her every time."

Anthony listened carefully.

"Actually, she ate too little." Richard suddenly recalled something. "Since she was little, she ate very little. I thought she was saving food for family in a pinch. I haven't noticed it until recent days, and she’s been keeping having the little amount of food every meal, until now. It’s just a fact neglected by my selfish mind."

He looked at Anthony and realized that he had talked too much. He stopped himself just in time, but he felt surprised and peaceful deep in his heart. All of his memories and troubles became so easy to talk about when he looked straight into the other man’s eyes.

"As long as you find something you love to eat, everything will be better." Anthony said. His eyes were bright with little sparks in it, and Richard wondered if it could be taken as an invitation or suggests something he was willing to do for him. But there is too much kindness. For Richard, only a little kindness from a stranger is more than enough, and what Anthony has given him was absolutely beyond what he could bear.

Richard nodded, trying to hide his feeling as well as the impulse in his heart. Anthony's tone softened.

"So, Richard, if you don't mind, I will wait for you here. I will serve you as long as you come. Would you like it?"

"Sure." Richard said almost without twice thinking. But then he didn't know what to say, so he repeat himself, "Sure, I will come."

"So, I guess it's time to show my guest to the door." Anthony smiled, then stood up. Richard nodded and waited for him to leave. He even pulled out his phone and planned to call Essie (he took a glance at the sidewalk outside the door, but could barely find her).

Anthony walked over to him, arms folding around his back and legs before Richard could respond to that, holding him up and walking towards the door as the way he was brought in. If Richard's mind is clear enough, he will find Judy opening the door for them, and he will hear the cheering from the other customers. Essie had unfolded the wheelchair and waited for them coming out of the door. Anthony placed Richard firmly on the chair, and by the light from the door Richard could see Anthony’s sights on him, which made his face burning. Essie happily thanked the man and put one of her hands on Richard’s shoulder.

"Anthony," Richard finally waved at him, "Next time I will walk in by myself, not bothering you again." However, Anthony smiled at him, and the smile made him shut his mouth.


End file.
